Tough Talk Now: Why You Can’t Wait to Have That Challenging Conversation

Tough Talk Now: Why You Can’t Wait to Have That Challenging Conversation

WE ALL WANT TO WAIT:  It’s easy to put things off right now, isn’t it? With many of us unemployed, working from home and/or managing our kids’ schoolwork – not to mention all those shows online you’ve been meaning to binge watch – we all want to avoid having to tackle one more unpleasant task. Yet waiting to have that challenging conversation with an employee or boss is the last thing you should do. Now, more than ever, you need to find a way to say the things that need to be said.

WHY TOUGH TALK NOW:  I’ve been coaching leaders for many years on how to say the things they need to say but can’t seem to find the right time or words. A global pandemic certainly seems like a great excuse to procrastinate, but my view is that is exactly the wrong time to delay.

WHY CEOs FAIL:  One of the most useful research projects I’ve seen is from FORTUNE Magazine. They did a study about why CEOs fail. The problem is not usually in strategy or vision, but in execution, especially the failure to fix people problems. These CEOs frequently avoided the difficult conversation that many people in the organization knew they needed to have with one of their direct reports. Others knew that the staff member needed to hear and implement difficult feedback – or perhaps even be released from the organization – yet the CEO was avoiding the tough talk. Even if you are not a CEO, this failing may hold you back from success.

What Should You Do?

ASK YOURSELF, WHAT IS THE COST OF DELAY?   Every conversational delay has a cost: extra compensation for someone you don’t need, incomplete or shoddy projects from an associate who is just not good at their job, or morale problems from other employees who know that you’re not managing someone well. Even if your people are working from home or furloughed, trust me, they are still communicating. They are on the phone, Snapchat or email gossiping about what’s going on with you and everyone else.

FIND OUT WHY YOU ARE NEGLECTING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS: Is it because you lack the skills, the courage, or the understanding of the current cost of waiting? Have you always avoided conflict? Of course, it’s hard to add to anyone’s anxiety right now, especially if you have to let someone go, but in the long run, you are not doing anyone any favors by failing to give them the feedback they need in order to succeed. Even if you must move them out of the organization, the impact of that move on the perceptions of the other people who are watching your actions IS important. What message are you sending your more competent staff by allowing an associate to slack off or engage in any other unproductive behavior? Right now, you need all your staff — hands on deck, fully engaged and working at capacity, not staff who are avoiding what you need from them to help get through this crisis.

GET THE SUPPORT YOU NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING: Find a coach, a therapist, a shaman, or a priest to help you buck up your courage and engage in a tough conversation.

DON’T COP OUT ON EMAIL: Even if you cannot meet in person right now, you need to pick up the phone or log in and give them the courtesy of hearing your voice and seeing your expression. If you use your imagination, you may even be able to meet – six feet apart — wearing masks, of course. One of my clients delivered his annual performance reviews to his direct reports in his back yard after sanitizing lawn chairs, ensuring spacing and adding masks to the conversation.

I was inspired by a program on NPR about 88-year-old Nick Avtges of Waltham, Massachusetts. With his wife of sixty some years in assisted living and a virus raging, he had been unable to visit her over the past month. So his children came up with an innovative solution. After polling their Facebook friends, they found someone with a cherry picker, loaded Nick into the bucket and hoisted him up to the third floor. With the pair both wearing masks and gloves, Nick was able to touch his wife’s frail hand on the window screen, while holding up his handmade sign that proclaimed: “I love you, sweetheart.” Nick’s assessment after his adventure: “Even now, there’s always a way around things if you try hard enough!”

For more strategies and skills on how to have tough conversations, go to www.workplacesthatwork.com.