Are You Using Debate or Dialogue? Does it Matter?

Why Should You Care?  If you want to stop a conversation, try debate! When we’re debating someone, we’re frequently not listening, we’re looking for ways to poke holes in the other’s argument.

Why Listen?  If we’re not listening, we never really gain understanding about why the other person wants what they want. When that happens, solutions rarely emerge. Truly listening is difficult, especially when you’re in a conflict with someone. Learn to communicate effectively during conflict. 

What’s Your Real Goal?  It’s like that adage: do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?  Most of us would choose happy but what happens when we’re in a debate with someone is that we don’t remember what our goal might be. True, sometimes we’re so mad or hurt that all we want to do is retaliate and hurt someone back. Yet for most of us in work relationships – especially those of us who are leaders – what we want to do is solve the current dilemma. And most of the time, the way to do that is dialogue NOT debate.

What Should You Do?  

Educate yourself and your people about the difference between dialogue and debate. Discuss the pros and cons of each mode. Encourage everyone to use dialogue.

Here’s a tool you can use to remind yourself and others of the difference:

For more information about practical communication skills read these Monday Memos:

How to Communicate Since Employees Are as Difficult to Communicate with as Rats
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/newsletter/july18-2016.php

How to Tackle a Tough Conversation by Breaking it Down
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/newsletter/june26-2017.php

Why People Don’t Talk to Each Other Directly and How You Can Turn This Around
https://www.workplacesthatwork.com/why-people-dont-talk-to-each-other-directly-and-how-you-can-turn-this-around/