Dr. Laura used the popular argument that “Black guys use it all the time.” Citing black comics and HBO as apparent role models, she pointed out that they use the word and that somehow makes it okay for white people to indulge.

Dr. Laura did appropriately apologize, kudos to her for not using the faux apology “in case anyone was offended.” But apparently, it was not enough, based on the media circus that followed and the fact that Dr. Laura was pushed–or jumped off her radio show.

The only reason that I found her ridiculous comment worth writing about is that we get this question in our diversity classes all the time.

To start, in case you weren’t paying attention in history class in school: this is the word that white people used as they lynched blacks for no reason.

My African-American friends do not use this word nor do I. I would never allow my children to use it.

If you want to ask yourself what’s appropriate behavior, should you turn to comics on HBO? Please!

Of course as I wrote in We Need to Talk; Tough Conversations with Your Boss in the workplace it could get you fired for good reason. What you do at the mall or on the lake is your business but is that really your values? Really?

Not to mention that many prominent African-Americans have condemned it’s usage, including Bill Cosby, Oprah Winfrey and even Richard Pryor. Pryor, who used it early in his comedy act, stopped using it after a trip to Africa. “To this day I wish I’d never said the word” Pryor said. “I felt its lameness. It was misunderstood by people. They didn’t get what I was talking about. Neither did I…so I vowed never to say it again.”

May others follow suit.

Backed by celebrity attorney Gloria Allred, both Hurd (Hewlett-Packard CEO) and Fisher deny that there was any sexual relationship. (Does this remind us of I did not have sex with that woman?) The internal company report found that there was no violation of its sexual harassment policy but that Hurd broke HP rules of conduct and irreparably harmed his credibility and integrity.

Hurd, a wall street darling, who had rewired HP by a series of cost cutting measures, including laying off over 20,000 employees, now finds himself involuntarily laid off.

Allegedly, while Hurd did not violate the HP sexual harassment policy, he did falsify expense reports for dinners and other meetings he had with Fisher. Reportedly, he offered to reimburse the company for the expenses. He called the disputed funds “mistakes,” –the total amounts were said to range from $1,000 to $20,000.

According to Michael Holston, HP executive vice president and general counsel, Hurd’s actions “showed a profound lack of judgment.” Ironically, Hurd had brought Holston into the company in 2006 after Holtson investigated a boardroom scandal involving company spying on board members, employees and journalists. That investigation ended with the resignation of the company’s chairman and the elevation of Mr. Hurd to CEO.

Fisher worked for HP as a contractor attending events in Asia, Europe, and the United States, meeting and greeting executives and clients. She was paid between $1,000 and $5,000 for each event. Fisher, a single mother, worked as an actress and, allegedly in the early 80s, a porn star.

What lessons can you take away from this story? A recent survey at careerbuilder.com in 2009 revealed that more than 8,000 employees had dated a coworker. Is it worth the risk?

Hurd of course, will receive $12 million in severance, plus stock & options that could bring the total package to more than $40 million according to the Associated Press. That would of course be less whatever he paid Ms. Fisher in her undisclosed settlement of a sexual harassment claim. Allred brought that claim to the board’s attention in June. (Meanwhile, stockholders took a $9 billion hit on Monday and employees wonder what’s next. If you want a cynical take from the employee perspective go to F*#@ You Mark Hurd.)

What severance will you receive if you have to resign in disgrace?

My advise to the executives and managers that I coach is always the same: don’t do it! Of course some people end up happily married to coworkers, even those that they formerly supervised, but these things more often end badly. Even if you think it’s voluntary, she (it’s almost always a she) may not. And then, when the break-up happens (and, let’s be honest, most relationships do end), she has a great he said/she said claim that it was never welcome and she was just doing it to keep her job. I have investigated, mediated or negotiated a number of these messes and they are never a pretty sight. There’s also the unpleasant specture of a third party favoritism claim, a so-called “paramour preference” suit.

Hurd himself is married to a former employee of his from another company. Will more allegations surface? Stay tuned. In any event, Tiger Woods and Jesse James are probably glad that the press has someone else to focus on.

Be smart, be safe, and keep your zipper zipped.

Perhaps you think that no one could be worth that much just for acting in one movie but what you may not know is what else she did to earn that money. (No, it’s not appearing on the cover of People with Brad Pitt and the kids).

According to experts in the movie biz, no one sells a movie better than Jolie. Of course, her contract did require her to promote the movie but the buzz is that she did more than earn her keep. No one, for example, expected her to sign autographs at the premier for over 45 minutes, pose for pictures with fans and shake hands before walking the red carpet, leaving her man Pitt (that would be Brad) hanging back in confusion.

Similarly, the industry was shocked when she agreed to go to Comic-Con (the largest comic book and popular arts convention in the world). She also showed up in Washington D.C. to host a reception and tour the International Spy Museum. She allowed studio publicists to plant stories about her inviting the real-life Russian sleeper spy, Anna Chapman, to the premier and did dozens of magazine interviews, including a cover shoot for Vanity Fair.

Angie is becoming a brand. Like her or hate her, she’s widely regarded as being a tireless promoter.

Does she need to do this? Obviously not. She could just sit back with Brad and the six kids, their houses around the world and rest on her laurels.

What about you? Do you get out there and make sure that people at work know what you’re doing and why? Do you promote your brand? Do you make sure that you’re known? Or are you too busy or too tired?

If Angelina can do it, so can you.

But the clip missed the heart of her speech: she spoke of overcoming her own racism to help farmers in need, no matter what color their skin.

While there’s been much written and discussed about the whole racial flap, the political flap, and the sensitivity flap, what’s been ignored is a basic review of employment law. Hello! You have to do an investigation before you fire someone! If you’re the boss (that would be either Valsack or Obama in this drama) you’re required by law, to do a full and fair investigation and come to a reasonable conclusion in a situation like this.

I have no doubt that employment lawyers at the Agriculture Department, as well as the White House, woke up to the news and started howling: “How could they? Why didn’t someone call me?”

Unless you’ve had someone on a PIP for months, you have to hear their side of the story, not just haul off and fire them with no attempt to find out what really went down.

There’s a point to basic fairness in all of this. Sometimes the law really does make sense.

Protesters marching at the Capitol on March 20th called two black congressmen, the legendary civil rights hero John Lewis of Georgia and Andre Carson of Indiana, a racial epithet as they walked by. The same group of hooligans used that same unmentionable racial epithet with Emanuel Cleaver of Missouri. They also spit on him. They went on to hurl an anti-gay slur at Barney Frank of Massachusetts and the anti-abortion Democrat Bart Stupak was called a “baby killer” by Texas Republican Rep Randy Neugebauer, who says he’s had a “tremendous outpouring” of support for his outburst.

Now, the FBI is investigating acts of vandalism and a death threat aimed at House Democrats who voted for the legislation. A freshman Democrat from Virginia, Rep Tom Perriello, reported that a gas line had been severed at his brother’s home. (They suspect that vandals tried to target his house and mistakenly hit his brother’s instead after a “Tea Party” activist posted Perriello’s brother’s address on a blog, mistakenly identifying it as the congressman’s home and urging reader’s to “drop by…and express their thanks regarding his vote for health care.” Two congresswomen - one in New York and another in Arizona - said windows at their district offices were smashed. House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer reported that more than 10 members had received threats.

What’s going on here? Can’t we learn how to disagree without being disagreeable? With a nod to Robert Fulghum, as I wrote in The Power of a Good Fight and We Need to Talk: Difficult Conversations with Your Employee; here are the rules for dialogue that we should have learned in kindergarten:

1. Use your inside voice; don’t use bad words. Focus on the issue, not the person. We don’t need to attack the person with whom we disagree, we can passionately argue about the issues instead.
2. Use your words; don’t hit. Passionate beliefs can be a good thing, but use your passion to register voters or write editors, not to throw rocks.
3. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything. You can disagree without being disagreeable.

Of course, even in the workplace, many of us regress to the sandbox from time to time but we all need to mightily resist this urge. One of my favorite stories comes from the novelist Andrew Greeley. In one of his early novels, he wrote about the story of an elderly priest. Someone asked the priest what he had learned from forty years of hearing confessions and he replied: “I’ve learned that there are no real grown-ups.”

While we may shake our heads and agree, in both the workplace and in public life, it’s our job to rise above the fray and use all our skills to create a civil discourse. It can be done and we owe it to ourselves and our children to try. Otherwise, we’re all in the sandbox along with them.

Of course, in the beginning of the season he had quarreled with quarterback Jay Cutler for similarly refusing to be a team player. Both camps played out the tiff in the newspapers and on T.V. Ironically, McDaniels mentor, New England coach Bill Belichick, never says anything significant publicly. Never. Undoubtedly, with regard to taking those two out of the game, Belichick would have simply done it, responding to questions afterward by saying it was the best thing for the team and refusing to answer any other questions. McDaniels alleged personal criticism of players inside the Broncos’ meeting rooms and team plane this season ruffled other feathers.

Clearly, McDaniels has been trying to lay down the law with his “my way or the highway” philosophy since the start of the season and there’s nothing wrong with that kind of authoritative management in sports or anywhere else. Managers have a legal, ethical and management right to manage. What I do quibble with is whether it needs to be done in public, and whether such moves are effective. Even if you’re a tough and seasoned NFL pro, public criticism hurts. Especially if it comes from someone like a coach who is suppose to be helping you. As I wrote in We Need to Talk; Tough Conversations with Your Employee, it’s an old management saw that you praise in public and criticize in private. There’s a good reason for this rule. It works.

If you’re a manager, think long and hard before you call someone out of the carpet before their fellow workers. If you’re an employee, you have a right to be treated with respect. As I wrote in We Need to Talk; Tough Conversations with Your Boss, let your boss know that you respect his or her feedback, in fact you welcome feedback, but you want it done in private in a normal tone of voice.

Even if you’re Denver’s “bad boy” Brandon Marshall.

If you’re in corporate America, you’re probably used to key cards, sign-in sheets and the like but how safe are these systems? Do you test for leaks?

I can’t tell you how many times I –as a consultant working for some company–have forgotten my visitor’s pass and “tailgated” behind someone else to get back in the building after lunch.

I’m also amazed at how easy it is for me to just scratch my name (totally illegible), say I’m going to see a particular person and then just disappear. What good are all those sign-in sheets anyway?

As I wrote in Stop Pissing Me Off! What to do when the People you Work With Drive you Crazy, workplace violence is on the rise, especially in this age of downsizing when laid off workers may come back to extract revenge. You may not be protecting Obama, but your people are still valuable and the threat level is still high. Maybe not orange, but high.

What should you be doing? Test for security breaches regularly. Have some outsider see if they can get past your front desk, security or whatever. Make sure that your people are trained in what to do should an emergency occur. And for heaven sakes, don’t believe someone who says their name should be on the list.