If you missed Dr. Laura’s rant on her radio show, and the resulting fall out you’re lucky. For the uninitiated, she decided to use the N word a dozen times in response to an African-American listener’s question about how to get her white in-laws to stop using the word.

Dr. Laura used the popular argument that “Black guys use it all the time.” Citing black comics and HBO as apparent role models, she pointed out that they use the word and that somehow makes it okay for white people to indulge.

Say what you will about former President Bill Clinton, but everyone who has met him swears he has that gift of making the person he’s talking to feel as if no one else exists on the planet. Love him or hate him, he managed to use his charm and stature to rescue two American journalists convicted of illegally entering North Korea. Photos showed Kim Jong beaming as he stood beside his guest.

Allegedly, the trip–described as strictly humanitarian by the White House–had been in the works for weeks. The politically savvy families of American journalists Laura Ling and Euna Lee, had helped set up the meeting, after giving the Korean leader a choice of American dignitaries, including Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Al Gore and Bill Richardson.

The blogosphere and pundits alike have had a field day over the last month with the specter of yet another supposedly straight-laced, upright, morality preaching politician brought down by infidelity. While he hasn’t resigned as of this post, he had a tough time at Monday’s press conference dodging questions about his affair with an Argentine beauty while he was trying to talk about state business.
While I could go on about how he–like other sanctimonious, bible thumping politicians- should have just “kept it in his pants” what I want to remind you about, dear reader, is the stupidity and dangers of email.
The State, a South Carolina newspaper, printed excerpts from the florid emails between the Gov. and the woman with whom he was having an affair, “Maria.” For example:
“Two, mutual feelings…You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light- but hey, that would be going into sexual details…
Sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul.”
What is it about email that makes supposedly smart people abandon all sense? Almost every investigation I conduct these days has the alleged harasser or discriminator leaving an incriminating email trail. These are all people who should know better: lawyers, investment bankers, IT professionals. Yet email they must, despite the fact that an email is a just a postcard on the server floor.
As I often tell my workshop participants, and as I wrote in my book Stop Pissing Me Off! What to do When the People You Work With Drive You Crazy, the e in email stands for evidence! And in the Sanford debacle, I would say that the e in email stands for embarrassing! Some examples of the stupidity I have seen:

I have to say my kids and I are disappointed. It’s been over a week and we’re still not over the loss. We thought we had a shot at having the first gay Elvis American Idol. (Although as the New York Times carefully noted, Adam Lambert has never formally declared his sexual orientation.) With his ever changing hair, his white leather or impeccably tailored outfits and his soulful style, Lambert had the ability to change how we saw the pop contest forever. Maybe the show could be a unique reflection of a new voice in American music, instead of a rather predictable piece of show business fluff.
I can’t imagine how anyone watching Lambert perform The Tracks of My Tears or I Can’t Have You could remain unmoved. Much has been written, of course, about his ability to bend a song to his own brand. Just as much fun as watching and listening to Lambert rip through Led Zepplin’s Whole Lotta Love was to watch the judges sit in stunned silence as if saying ” I don’t know what you just did but I love it!”
But what I liked even more than his constantly changing looks were the way he faced the judges when they gave him feedback. You can learn a lot about how to accept feedback from Lambert. He didn’t tear up, argue, or huff and puff. He looked them straight in the eyes, as if calmly responding to every comment: nothing that you say can change who I am or what I’m doing. I know who I am and what I’m trying to accomplish.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t listen to feedback at work: of course you should. But you need to have a core that stays still not matter what anyone’s saying to you. With that core in place, you can then listen to feedback, take what you like and leave the rest. The rest may not be worth anything or it may contain valuable advice but if you don’t know who you are before you start listening, it will be hard to sort our the wheat from the chaff, the cloying comments of a Paula Abdul from the constant carping of a Simon Cowell.
Before I became a speaker and author, I spent ten years standing in front of federal judges. Because of that, I frequently joke to my audiences, it’s hard to insult me. I’ve been insulted by professionals! Not that you’re not all professionals but it’s not your job to insult me. I do listen to feedback but whatever I receive isn’t going to alter the core of who I am.
Listen and learn, yes, but do so in a way that leaves your soul intact.